I'm going to jail i love you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
