i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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