So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
