Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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