why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
