Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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