you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
