Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize
