Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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