She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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