Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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