if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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