You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
