I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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