why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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