It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
