I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
