i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
