Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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