In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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