If i come over, it means nothing
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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