from now on my penis is your penis
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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