This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
