It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
