She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
