just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize