then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
