I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
