You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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