My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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