Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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