you guys were way drunker than both of me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
