is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
