WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
