I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
