woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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