Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
