Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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