how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
