It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
