I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
