She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
