I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
