I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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