Kiss
Puke
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
