You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
