yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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