I just threw up on my dentist
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
