Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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