Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
