He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
