I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
