You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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